


Roxy ♠ Meulin - Ship Wars

by ooopo123



Series: Randomly Generated Ships: Rare-pairs Galore [17]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Banter, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Established Relationship, F/F, Healthy Relationships, Human/Troll Relationship (Homestuck), Interspecies Relationship(s), Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Polyamory, Ship Wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:21:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26121082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ooopo123/pseuds/ooopo123
Summary: -- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering alternativelyCanon [AC] --TG: guuurl you won’t believe th TEA i have for u!!!!TG: ur fragile lil kitty hart wont b able to HANDLE itTG: bc this tea is absolutely PIPING HOT-- alternativelyCanon [AC] is online! --
Relationships: Background Equius Zahhak/Auto-Responder | Lil Hal, Background Nepeta leijon/Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Roxy Lalonde/Meulin Leijon, background rose lalonde/kanaya maryam, past Meulin Leijon/Kurloz Makara
Series: Randomly Generated Ships: Rare-pairs Galore [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1542388
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Roxy ♠ Meulin - Ship Wars

**Author's Note:**

> 17th in a 30 part series!

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  began pestering alternativelyCanon [AC] \--  
TG: guuurl you won’t believe th TEA i have for u!!!!  
TG: ur fragile lil kitty hart wont b able to HANDLE it  
TG: bc this tea is absolutely PIPING HOT  
\-- alternativelyCanon [AC] is online! --  
AC: (=｀ω´=) < YAS SHARE THE TEA HISS  
AC: (⁎˃ᆺ˂) < I AM, LIKE, SO THIRSTY FOR SOME SW33T SW33T GOSSIP!  
AC: (=；ェ；=) < THINGS OVER IN DANCESTOR PURRITORY HAVE B33N DRIER THAN KIBBLE!  
AC: ( ↀДↀ)✧ < IVE B33N SO BORED THAT IVE EVEN HUNG OUT WITH KURLOZ  
AC: ( = Д =)✧ < K U R L O Z  
AC: (=ඔᆽඔ=) < IT WAS SO FURRY AWKWARD  
TG: lmao i bet  
AC: (=🝦 ﻌ 🝦=) < RUDE  
TG: lol sorz  
TG: but dw i gotchu ;)  
TG: ull appreciate this tea i guarantea  
TG: tis about ur fav subject of all time after all!  
AC: (^=oᆺo) < GASP!   
AC: (^=˃ᆺ˂) < YOU DON’T MEAN   
AC: (^=OᆺO) < SHIPPING!?!?!  
TG: i v much DO mean shipping!!  
TG: so get this  
TG: word on the metaphorical vine over here is that not only is Rosie posie finally biting the bullet and proposing 2 her no doubt wife to b the beauful Kan of naya  
AC: (=^･ｪ･^=))ﾉ彡☆ < OH. MY. **MOG.**   
AC: (=｀ω´=) < FINALLY!!  
TG: RIGHT?  
TG: but also  
TG: and get this  
TG: Hal and Equsis of all ppl r hooking up!  
AC: (^･o･^)ﾉ” < NO. FURRICKING. WAY?!!!  
TG: yas freaking way!  
AC: ฅ(≚ᄌ≚) < WAIT  
AC: (=･ｪ･=? < WE’RE TALKING HAL AS IN DIRK’S ROBO TWIN HAL??  
TG: i men its more nuanced than tht but in essceense yee  
TG: *mean *essence  
AC: (=･ｪ･=? < ARE THEY DOING HUMAN ROMANCE OR TROLL?  
AC: (=චⰙච=) < AND IF TROLL, THEN WHAT QUADRANT??  
AC: ฅ(=ʘⰙʘ=) < SPILL THE TEAAAA!  
TG: troll flush I tinks lmfao  
TG: *think  
AC: (´pゝω･) < YAAAAASSS!  
AC: (₌♥ᆽ♥₌) < THE SHIPPING CHART HAS B33N UPDATED!  
AC: (⁎˃ᆺ˂) < NOW LET THE CELEBRATING OF THIS VERY GOOD TEA COMMENCE!  
AC: (๑✪ᆺ✪๑) < TELL ME! HOW IS EVERYONE?? IT FEELS LIKE FUREVER SINCE WE LAST TALKED!!!  
TG: ur so rite!  
TG: its just that things have been so hectic u kno?  
AC: (ꏿ ᆺ ꏿ) < OH? LIKE APART FROM THE ROMANCE?  
TG: sorta. yay and nay u know?  
TG: theres ben other romance shenannangans but nothing u wouldnt already kno abt, yeah?  
TG: *shenanigans   
AC: ｡ﾟ(₌இᆽஇ₌)ﾟ｡ < I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT?!?!?!  
TG: holy shit really????  
AG: ｡ﾟ(₌TᆽT₌)ﾟ｡ < REALLY!  
TG: idk y im surprised tbh, guess i just thought your 7th sense for everythin romanke would trigger and make u aware  
TG: but even i only knew bc of an acident  
TG: *romance *accident  
AG: (ﾐටᆽටﾐ) < WELL? DON’T LEAVE ME FANGING!  
TG: idk dude i kinda tol my sis that i wount blab  
AC: (=⊝ᆽ⊝=) < IF YOU DIDN’T WANT TO BLAB YOU WOULDN’T HAVE BROUGHT IT UP TO TEASE ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!  
TG: lol ok fair i walked into that one  
TG: but can u like keep it on the hush hush? The down low? The loco coco??  
AC: (=✪ᆽ✪=) < I SWEAR, THE ONLY ONES WHO’LL EVER KNOW YOU TOLD ME WILL BE ME AND THE SHIPPING CHART!  
AC: (ﾐචᆽචﾐ) < AND IT’S NOT EXACTLY LIKE THE CHART IS GOING TO TELL ANYONE  
TG: XD tru tru tru  
TG: …  
TG: oooooookkkaaaayyyyy  
TG: ill tell u ;)  
AC: (=✪ᆽ✪=) < YEEEEEEESSSSSSS  
TG: so. the scoop is that Dave told Rose who then told me that Dave has ah bit of a crush predickament goin on  
AC: (ﾐㅇ ༝ ㅇﾐ) < I THOUGHT HE WAS PINING AFTER KANKRI’S DESCENDANT?  
TG: sssssssshhhhh young padawan. I’m getting there  
TG: anyway yeah, so Rosie told me that Dave came running to her (or flying i guess lol) 4 romantic advice.   
TG: usually he goes to Karkat for help for most things (smth about him not appreciating Rosie’s psycoanalyzing XD) but this time he braved th famililial waters bc Kartkat is PART pf the problem!!!  
TG: n like itd be awkwards as heckity to talk to ur drush about ur crush on said crush  
TG: *psychoanalysing * familial *crush  
TG: tis the crush paradox lmao XD  
AC: (=ච⊱ච=) < SO DAVEY HAS BEEN GOING TO HIS HUMAN SISTER FOR HELP ROMANCING KARKITTY?  
TG: again, yay and nay  
TG: thing iz he apparently ALSO has a crush on someone ELSE too!!!  
AC: (=ʘᆽʘ=) < *GASP*   
AC: (=ච ω ච=) < THE DRAMA!  
TG: ifkr?  
TG: it gets even betta tho  
TG: lmao i sound like meenah  
TG: anyway, guess who the otha crush iss  
AC: (ﾐㅇᆽㅇﾐ) < OH MOG. I WOULDN'T EVEN BE ABLE TO GUESS!   
AC: (=ඔᆽඔ=) < WHO!!  
TG: its…  
TG: an this is gonna blow your m i n d  
TG: * drumroll*  
TG: NEPETA!!!  
AC: ฅ(=ʘⰙʘ=) < OOOOOH MYYYYY MOOOOOG!!!!  
AC: (=ｘェｘ=) < I AM DEAD. LITERALLY DEAD. A HUNDRED PERCENT DECEASED.  
AC: (₌ ♥ ᆽ ♥ ₌) < THAT’S FURRICKING ADORBS!!  
TG: **r i g h t ?!?!?**   
TG: like how much cuter could this shit g e t???  
AC: (=ↀωↀ=) < YOURE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS B U T  
AC: (=ↀωↀ=)✧ < NEP ACTUALLY HAD CRUSH ON DAVE TOOOOO  
TG: o  
TG: m  
TG: f  
TG: **g**   
TG: that is literally perfect  
TG: i am screaming  
AC: (≈ㅇᆽㅇ≈)♡ < I HAVE TO UPDATE THE SHIPPING CHART RIGHT MEOW. IMMEDIATELY!  
TG: wait  
TG: hold em horsies  
TG: haaah?  
TG: i thought u only did that wen a ship is like #canon??  
AC: (ﾐㅇᆽㅇﾐ) < I MEAN, YEAH, BUT C’MON! IT’S NEP!  
TG: so??? :?  
TG: sorz, im not following :(  
AC: ~(=^‥^)ノ☆ < IT'S JUST THAT IT’S, LIKE, BASICALLY DESTINED TO HAPPEN NOW!  
AC: (≚ᄌ≚)ℒℴѵℯ❤ < SINCE NEP IS FLUSH FOR DAVE TOO!   
TG: Yeah well i thought she had a crush on karkat at sme point but they never got together?  
AC: (⁎˃ᆺ˂) < THAT'S JUST BECAUSE KARKAT DIDN’T LIKE HER BACK SILLY!  
AC: V(=^･ω･^=)v < BUT DAVE AND NEP BOTH LIKE LIKE EACH OTHER!! SO ITS **GUARANTEED** TO HAPPEN!  
AC: =＾☆ ⋏ ☆＾= < IN OTHER WORDS: IT’S TOTALLY CANON!  
TG: Gurl, keep them knickers untwisted and grab ahold o tha wig  
TG: ships aint sailing just yet  
TG: In fact, i have a cannon aimed @ ur lil rowboat  
TG: I can see it in mah crosshairs n eveything  
TG: That shit is still docked and aint going nowhere anytime soon  
AC: (=｀ω´=) < **EXCUSE ? ? ?**   
TG: u heard me  
AC: (=ＴェＴ=) < SO, WHAT, YOU JUST WANT YOUR HUMAN BROTHER TO BE FOREVER ALONE??  
TG: lol wha??? Ofc not!  
TG: hes got a whole sea of fish out there to woo w/ his ironic charms   
TG: or well i guess more of a pond now tbh but my point still stands  
TG: jus cause they might wanna fuc eachother dont mean its gonna happen or be a capital T Thing  
TG: tbh Dave is too much of a pussy to confess anyway lmao XD  
AC: (⁎˃ᆺ˂) < WELL NEPETA IS THE BRAVEST TROLL I KNOW, PAWS DOWN, SO MAYBE SHE’LL BE THE ONE TO CONFESS FIRST?  
TG: i mean its possible, tho what if she aint the best fit for davey??  
AC: ㄱ(ㅇㅅㅇ” )ㄴ < NEPETA IS PAWSOME! ANYONE WOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE HER   
TG: yeah but i can think of a certain other troll, one that Davey already fuckin s i m p s for, that might be better if you catch my drift ;)  
AC: ㅇㅅㅇ < IS THIS YOUR ROUND ABOUT WAY OF TRYING TO SAY THAT DAVEKAT IS EVEN REMOTELY BETTER THAN DAVEPETA???  
AC: ( ⓛ ω ⓛ *) < BECLAWS NEWSFLASH BUCKO, IT ISN’T!  
TG: **fucking**   
TG: while i agree that Davepeta is a great person _(long may be the reign ov our catbird overlord amen)_ i also agree w/ th fact that ur **wrong**   
TG: have you or have u not heard the stories bout the meteor trip??? That shit was so homoeroctic shappho would faaint pon sight!!  
AC: ʘ̥ꀾʘ̥ < I’M SORRY, BUT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME TRIP WHERE THEY WERE FORCED TO BE TOGTHER 24/7, YET SPENT MOST OF THAT TIME FIGHTING AND DRAWING HUMAN GENITALIA ON EACH OTHER   
TG: dont hate just cause u dont understand the subtle art of dic pics  
TG: besides they did plenty of other stuff!!  
AC: ि०॰०ॢी < NEP AND DAVE HAVE DONE STUFF TOGETHER TOO! AND THEY DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO PLATONICALLY HATE ONE ANOTHER FIRST TO ENJOY IT!  
TG: they freak out over dead shit together idk how much better that iz tbh  
AC: ⋆ටᆼට⋆ < THEY ENCOURAGE THE OTHER’S INTERESTS!  
TG: their shared interest is **dead shit**   
AC:（Φ ω Φ）< AT LEAST THEIR INTERESTS AREN’T RELATED TO GETTING HISSY OVER A DRAWING!  
TG: omg you get upset over **one **phallic image and suddenly ur condemned 2 b a bachelor 4 the rest of ur life smh**** ** **  
AC: 0( = ฅ^･_･^)= ฅ= ฅ= ฅ ฅ < THEY FOUGHT FROM THE SECOND THEY MET  
TG: ffs those were **b o n d i n g m o m e n t s**   
AC: ଲ( ⓛ ω ⓛ *)ଲ < JUST GIVE UP AND ADMIT DAVEKAT WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING MORE THAN A PITCH FIT!  
TG: **N E V E R**   
TG: so u can take ur sinking wreck o a ship n shove it up ur-  
TG: …  
AC: (๑ↀᆺↀ๑) < ?  
AC: (ФДФ) < IS SOMETHING WRONG?  
TG: I jus got a msg from Davey  
AC: (ФДФ) < OH! IS HE OK?!  
TG: oh hes fine. Moar than fine actually  
TG: he just sent me a pic of him w/ his **two** new datemates is all  
AC: (๑✪ᆺ✪๑) < DATEMATES?? AS IN QUADRANTS???  
TG: yup  
AC: (˵Φ ω Φ˵) < … THEY WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO BE NEPETA AND KARKAT BY ANY CHANCE, WOULD THEY.  
TG: **yup**   
AC: (๑ↀᆺↀ๑) < …  
AC: (๑✪ᆺ✪๑) < SO. NEPDAVEKAT?  
TG: i was thikin more Davekatpeta  
AC: ¯\\_₍⸍⸌̣ʷ̣̫⸍̣⸌₎_/¯ < WHAT ABOUT KARDAVEPETA?  
TG: eh idk  
TG: we can talk bout dis later, rn I got a coupla aliens to give tha shovel talk lmao  
AC: ⓛⰙⓛฅ < OH, WIG! IMMA TELL KANKRI THE GREAT NEWS, THEN THREATEN THOSE TWO BOYS WITH PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE SPONGEBOB MEMES!  
TG: omg ive taught u well my padawan #soproud  
AC: ⓛⰙⓛฅ < YOU DIDN'T TEACH ME SHIT X33  
AC: (₌♥ᆽ♥₌) < ANYWAY IT'S BEEN GREAT CATCHING UP WITH YOU! WE SHOULD TOTES DO THIS AGAIN SOMETIME!  
TG: yaaasss queen!  
TG: see u later gurl! **o8 < **   
AC:（Φ ﻌ Φ）< ITS ** <3< ** YOU DUMMY  
TG: whoops lmao ** <3< **   
AC: *:･ﾟ✧(=✪ ᆺ ✪=)*:･ﾟ✧ < ** <3< ** ****

**Author's Note:**

> I got confessed to the day I finished this; I now have v v cute girlfriend. So take this story, from one pair of lesbians to another. UwU  
> (Also Nepeta/Dave and Dave/Karkat is in here because I am a filthy filthy shipper and I love those ships more than life itself.)


End file.
